Patience

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NeverGiveUp_dream_time

-Earl Nightingale

Let’s face it, waiting is hard.  No one likes to wait…especially now with technology being able to provide us with instant gratification.  It’s easy to give up and throw in the towel if wait times are long – I’ve seen it, I’ve been there.

We’ve forgotten that great things take time…beer, wine, cheese, souffles, relationships.  Yes, relationships – especially Long Distance Relationships (LDRs).  In relationships – especially LDRs, it’s easy to get caught up in each other; to get caught up in planning your next reunion; to get caught up in planning your eventual unification.  Stop.

Planning is one thing; enjoying precious “now” moments is another, more important thing.  Don’t get me wrong…planning is important…it gives your relationship a road map, if you will.  Plan the next reunion and get caught up in it – get excited!  It’s an expectation worth having; it keeps you connected.  And, really, that’s as far out as you should realistically plan and expect to be able to execute.

Not all LDRs are on the same unification timeline.  Some LDRs have a set time frame…we’ll be together at the end of this job assignment; or, we’ll be together at the end of this deployment…you get the picture.  For those LDRs that are not fortunate enough to have a set time frame, expecting unity any further than your next reunion is maddening.  But, don’t give up.  Don’t throw in the towel.

Be patient and believe.  Believe that what you’re waiting for, what you’re fighting for is worth the wait.  Enjoy the fleeting moments you have together – you know the ones…the brief good morning text to start your day; or, the 10-minute FaceTime or Skype session during a break in the work day; or, the 30-minute phone call between dinner and bedtime.  Be in the moment.  I know it’s hard, boy, do I know that!  But…you signed up for it – for the LDR that you’re in.  Remember why you chose that…remember why you’re all in because that’s what will keep you both strong; that’s what will keep you both fighting for your eventual unification.

“We’re not promised tomorrow.  So I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you.  I’m gonna hold you like I’m saying goodbye.”- Meghan Trainor Like I’m Gonna Lose You

Time and Space

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Time is relative...

Time is relative…

“According to relativistic physics, the rate at which time passes depends on the relative motion between observers, and also on the strength of a gravitational or acceleration field.”  (http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/time)

Time and space are formidable opponents in a long distance relationship.  Opponents may not be the right word…obstacles…yes, that’s better.  The word opponents has a connotation that it must be defeated.  Obstacles, need to be overcome and can be  sources of tremendous growth and opportunity.  In my transformation, I choose to see obstacles rather than opponents.

I’m coming down from an incredibly euphoric weekend and emotion floods my body.  It’s difficult to focus on much of anything except how much I miss her; there is a silence, a void of sorts, everywhere.  When I close my eyes and breathe deeply, her scent wafts through my nostrils and fills my soul with joy…and longing.

Our reunion had been planned for about a month.  The month between securing flights to actually being together seemed, at the time, like an eternity.  Talking and texting every day helped a lot to bridge that time.

Some people might think it’s too soon for me to have already moved on.  Maybe on their timeline…but not on mine.  I’m in a long distance relationship that started 2 months ago with someone I’ve known for 3 years; and, with whom I have a connection deeper than almost anyone could ever understand.  That said, our “reunion” was actually our first time “together”.  It was utterly amazing!  It was more than I had ever expected.

Anticipation had built up over the 3-weeks and 5-days that we had to wait to finally be together, but our greeting at the airport wasn’t awkward.  The anticipation was still there, albeit a different kind of anticipation – it was a simultaneous feeling of relief and sexual tension…the kind of feeling that makes you hold your breath and exhale only when you can’t stand it anymore.

The weekend was filled with emotion, fun, laughter, and late night discussions about everything – the past, the present, the future.  We watched the sun set over the ocean; and, the next morning, watched it rise over the mountains.  It was blissful.

California Sunset

Getting toes wet in the Pacific.

Sunrise over the mountains.

Now, as I sit alone in the wake of all the feelings from the weekend, I strategize on how to conquer the obstacles of time and space until our next reunion in November.  We are not naive to the fact that LDRs require work and a willingness to plan and sacfrice.  We are both mature and strong women and we have agreed to work through the difficulty of bridging time and space with the endgame in mind.

So, putting my trust in her and the universe, I will face time and space with a respect such that they will help me grow in patience and self-control.  Ultimately making me a better person for all intents and purposes.

“Space is a term that can refer to various phenomena in science, mathematics, and communications.”  “Some scientists believe that space extends infinitely far in all directions, while others believe that space is finite but unbounded, just as the 2-space surface of the earth has finite area yet no beginning nor end.” (http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/space)

“The scariest thing about distance is you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget about you.”    – The Notebook

Timing

“You don’t have to swing hard to hit a home run.  If you’ve got the timing, it’ll go.” -Yogi Berra

There's a sweet spot where things connect.

There’s a sweet spot where things connect.

They say timing is everything…who is “they”?  But isn’t that the truth?  We all know that timing is everything – in some way or another, that phrase resonates with us.  If you play a sport – baseball, softball, or tennis for example – you know that there’s a sweet spot where things connect and when that connection is made at just the right time, well…homeruns are produced and matches are won.

Timing holds true in every part of our lives from the little things to the life altering big deals; like timing your commute to hit all the “green” lights (you smile because you’ve done that before); or, like, trying to get pregnant (or NOT!).

What about job opportunities – we’ve had that experience at least once in our careers where we’re looking for a job, we find two that fit and we’re waiting on simultaneous offers.  Even though we wouldn’t be settling for Company A, Company B is the one we really want; but, the first offer to be presented to us is from Company A.  Without wanting to jeopardize having a job at all, we hold off as long as we can and accept the offer from Company A.  Inevitably, the offer comes in from Company B a few days before we’re supposed to start at Company A.

What about relationships?  Have you experienced a serendipitous ill-timed meeting and/or reconnection.  Why? Why does the universe do this to us?  Why does the seemingly “perfect” opportunity present itself at the most inopportune times?  You know what I’m talking about because you’ve been there…or you’re there now.

If you don’t believe in all that “universe” mumbo jumbo and believe that you have a hand in your life and that you make your own opportunities…well, there’s still timing in that.  You’ve worked so hard at getting your client to agree with you.  It will have nothing to do with the alignment of the universe, just good old elbow grease; but, you still have to close the sale – and if the timing’s not right when you pitch it (say at the end of the month or the deadline for closing deals), well…there goes your commission; or, your trip to President’s Club.

Ok, so what do you do?  How do you “perfect your timing”?  With sports, it’s a skill to be mastered and it takes a lot of practice.  With life, well, there’s not so much you CAN do except take it in stride and believe that the timing will eventually work itself out.  Change your vantage point…perhaps the universe is giving you a sample of a possibility to see if it’s right for you.  Perhaps the universe is giving you time to get your shit together before entrusting you with the “perfect” situation.  Trust that there’s an end to the means.  It’s frustrating, I know…believe me, I know!

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason; bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return.”  –For Good, Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked)

Timing IS everything.

Prologue

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“You can’t live your life for other people.  You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”  – Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook)

Welcome! Thank you for reading this and I hope you’ll follow my blog and comment, even if only occasionally.

Life happens…not always the way we imagine; not always the way we hope.  I am going through some life changes right now and have decided to pay closer attention to my actions and reactions and how they affect others…a self-awareness exercise, if you will.  I want to be happy and I alone am responsible for that.  Putting that on any one person is selfish and unreasonable.

To be fair (and clear) – I am not going to post my struggles about my current situation…I’m saving that for my therapist.  My posts will be about my observations and revelations as I look inward; they will be a dialogue between me and you; they will challenge you and may even hit a nerve with you…all in the name of self-awareness.  Out of respect for all parties involved, names are fictional – unless you have intimate knowledge of my situation, you won’t know to whom I refer…it’s just better that way.

I hope you find the subsequent posts and topics interesting, humorous, and thought-provoking – maybe even at the same time – and that these posts can be part of your conversations with others.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

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